Sainsbury’s have some crazy specials on with 20% off JD and half price wines. I normal don’t buy wine over a fiver but as this bottle is normally £14, the offer of half price was too good to refuse.

The wine itself is very nice. It’s really good. In comparison to the chateaux Dave, it’s a little more sweet and light. Very nice. You could easily finish the bottle in an hour. I’ll say it’s nice one more time and then you’ll get my point.

I don’t like nice things. I don’t even like nice people. I like characters, especially those with a hidden dark side. This wine is a crowd pleaser; it’s got recommendations all over the bottle. I hate crowds.

However, you may have to entertain guests or give gifts. While on offer, you can’t go wrong with this, which is why I’ll pick up a few more bottles but it won’t be for ahem personal use.

Also note you could save a quid if you buy six…

Standing in the supermarket queue, the collection of recycled bags made me feel guilty. With nothing else to do, I peered into the cash compartment of the old wallet, only to see a wad of receipts. I could only wish I could afford more drink to get over my lack of cash.

Through the slightly fuzzy bleating of yet another frustrated loser on my headphones, I heard a shout.  Of course, I ignored it.

But then there was another.  In your peripheral vision, you can sense when people are turning to look at something.  So I pulled out one earphone and tried to locate the source of this commotion.

Three security staff had a guy surrounded.  Not your usual skinny kid in a hat one size too large, these guys were heavy.  One guard had grabbed the guys arm and didn’t look like he was going to let go anytime soon. The guy didn’t like this, but didn’t want to fight back.  Like a child trying to escape his mother. Slinking, sinking, hoping there’s some way out this.  But of course there isn’t.  You will have to take that bath, and this guy would have to wait for the cops.

And that’s why there was shouting. He was pleading to be let go. As if the cops were going to give him a real spanking when they got home.  He wriggled and twisted and turned, and everyone could see he was not a happy bunny.

Three more guards appeared, with other staff. It was quite a scene. They started to bundle the guy through a back door. He was practically crying at this point.

I decided to make good of what I had seen.  I picked up the recycle bag, left the queue, filled it with bottles of plonk, and walked out the store. The alarm went off, so I turned and stopped. An attendant came to see and I pulled out my wallet, picking through the receipts. 

He waved me away.

Pleasant as hoped: this Bordeaux is partly merlot, thus lighter, sweeter than the latter while retaining the characteristically dark and rich aftertaste.

Good lord this is cheap and not even on offer.

At a fiver, I’m going back to stock up on a few bottles. You can put this on the table next to bottles costing twice the price and none would be the wiser.

Unless they read this too…

(Editor’s note: this got thrown back into the ideas hat as I don’t have the time to work on developing it any further)

A. That’s her, I’m sure it is. I’d recognise that face anywhere, even when it’s sandwiched between two of those notoriously double backed beasts.
V. She’s probably a psycho.  With herpes.
A. Why do you say that?
V. Nobody does porn unless they’ve got issues.
A. Especially if they’re that pretty.

A look of annoyance shoots across V’s face for an instant.

V. She probably dropped out of school, had no money… abused by her dad..
A. Probably in that order too.

V rolls her eyes.

A walks over to the ‘porn star’.

A. Hello, nice to meet you.
X. You too.

V shuffles up next to A, obviously uncomfortable.

A. We were just wondering if you had to study anything to get into porn.
X. Uh… not really, although I do have a degree in psychology,  which comes in handy from time to time… Being able to fake an orgasm is probably most important.
V. Oh I can do that.

A freezes for a moment.

A. Well, thanks for your time.  All the best now.
V. Hang on, could we ask…. how you are with…. your family?
X. Hmmm.
A. It’s ok, if you don’t want to say.
X. My family are fine with it, more or less.  I’m still waiting for my dad to explode about it one day, all he did so far was try to guilt me out of it with a gloomy face while my mother cried. They were too straight laced, you know, a typically nice family background, good upbringing, so they can’t figure out what they did wrong.
A. Do you think your dad ever watched one of your movies, and you know…
X. Ew, that’s gross.  Like I said, too straight laced.  If he had been fiddling me or something, he’d at least be able to blame himself but noooo, just tucked me in with a kiss.
V. Nothing else?
X. Nope.
A. Would you have liked him to?

X and V stare at A for a moment.

V. We should be going. Nice to have met you!
X. Sure…

V and A walk to their previous spot in the bar.

V. I hope you’re satisfied.
A. Not yet, I need to nip to the bathroom……. I’m kidding!
V. I wonder what really made her do it.
A. Why didnt you ask?
V. She’s a psycho graduate.. certainly with herpes.

A Silently whistles to himself.

V. So?
A. Herpes is not really a big deal.
V. Can you do your job for one minute?
A. Yeah yeah.  Well…. I don’t think she’d be suitable.
V. Ok.

V. Are you still thinking about her?
A. No………..
V. If you don’t stop thinking about her, you’re getting a slap.
A. Better than the clap. Oh, I didn’t mean it like that-
V gives him a dirty look, turns and walks off.

It’s a merlot! Shocking how my taste is so varied, yes I know.

The first taste was tainted by a few bitter tingles on the tongue, like bits of cork.  A few glugs later and everything was fine.  Not super great but definitely fine.  To be honest I may be starting to like Bordeaux more, if not a blend of both.

Right now, the day after, before getting back to this, I had a shot of gentleman Jack, and bloody hell… the wine tastes much better now!

So yes, another one to pick up when on offer, at the moment a fiver.

Coming up: a Bordeaux superior from sainsbury’s that’s a blend of Bordeaux and Merlot, even better its a fiver and not even on offer. Too good to be true… I’ll let you know when I can get up off the floor…

(At the supermarket)

says the mother to the child:
I’m going to spank you, I’m going to pull down your pants in front  of everyone and spank your bottom.

“yeah.” says the man, standing by the meat and poultry.

Adventurers discover records of a towering golden gift that was sent from the incas to Atlantis (still an island at the time), which sank.
As they search, they find themselves hunted by a towering sea monster that shines like gold, the true guardian of the depths… and the secrets of the sea…

The dull heat.

The crack of fat flies against the window.

The crack of a grisly bluebottle, as it tries to enter your space, blinded by the shine of your glass, now filling the quiet darkness with another carcass.

The dull heat is becoming too much…

Crack

Crack,

Crack…

Two kidnaps take place, foiled by police. The kidnappers are desperate but nice. A third kidnapping leads to a chase, but not just by the police, but by the mastermind who was staging a trilogy of practice runs.